It is so incredibly important for us as Christians to speak words of encouragement and life. There is so much negativity in today’s world that we must make it our aim to yearn after Godliness.
I struggle in venting my negative emotions to people close to me or my journal. It is an outlet that lets me indulge in my unrighteousness (read: sinful) attitudes, as I attempt to justify myself. I search for ways that I have been wronged once I have exhausted my current woes.
When I write them, I am creating a physical form of my frustrations – I have made them seem concrete, more real, and the same ungodly heart that pens those fleeting feelings of outrage and injustice now is permanently encased within those pages, so that once they are read in the future, the words have the power to draw up lost, painful, and again – sinful – thoughts and attitudes that take hold and reign over my spirit. What a sinful trap I set up for myself!
When I choose a more personal means of venting my darkened thoughts – and choose my compassionate victim, I can do more damage then I care to fully know. After I have chosen my particular canvas to vent to, I choose my paint. First I choose pea green and toss it all over the open, understanding, blank white canvas. I begin smearing it with my hands and elbows. In my hurt and frustration I choose fushia (a particular color of irritation) and begin to smear it back and forth with my forehead across the not-so-white canvas. Back and forth – back and forth. Next comes the color teal. I dip both hands in and with one finger try to portray a particular point a certain way but…ack! It’s not coming out right! And in burning frustration I grab the canvas and throw it down to the floor where I immediately begin clawing at it. *sigh* I’ve ruined it. I tried to paint a picture but nothing came out how I intended it to and now I’ve left my mark – my impression – and looked like a fool in the process. I meant well, I just needed to express myself, but I have stolen the clean slate – the unblemished whiteness. It will take a lot of work to clean up my mess.
So often, I go to someone and spew out negativity of situations I face, people I know, and blame my attitude on my bad day…or the dog. What do I do about my witness for the Lord Jesus Christ? In my moment of weakness I self-indulge in my blind fury of selfish emotions and as many words that I say to try to justify myself, I know better – I know Jesus paid the greatest price to make me strong and wise by the word planted within me, and I tread on the cross of Christ when I use my weakness to try to build myself up, rather then build Christ up (aka – give Him glory in my weakness).
So, to all you who have witnessed my ugly witness, forgive me. Forgive me for robbing you of the opportunity to hear how the Lord has blessed me in my hurt, anger, confusion, and ultimately my sinfulness. Humbleness, not pride, is what is attractive to the Lord. He strengthens my soul when I reach the end of myself and submit to Him. Venting is grown from the seed of selfishness, and I don’t want to eat its fruit anymore.
So I have this pea green, fushia, and teal mess – still wet and dripping, and now it is being covered in brilliant red – which is the blood of Jesus, and I pray that His redeeming, and transforming blood will cover all who has been the canvas of one who was a bad Christian example. My heart beats as one who desperately wants to make a difference in people’s lives, and one of the first steps is not living a double life.
I’m not advocating stuffing yours or my feelings deep inside of us and never seeking help and guidance. That can leave someone feeling isolated and alone. But if I am spewing out garbage and rejecting any form of cleanup, then I am detrimental to myself and others. You could help me, as well as others, by not allowing yourself to be this landfill for someone’s emotions and attitudes. Try to implement a recycling approach by taking what they are saying and turning it around and showing them that it’s not really garbage, it’s just the dark lens they are choosing to view it as.
Disclaimer: I like the colors pea green, fushia, and teal. They are perfectly acceptable in my book.