Category Archives: Lessons from the Journey

Venting

It is so incredibly important for us as Christians to speak words of encouragement and life. There is so much negativity in today’s world that we must make it our aim to yearn after Godliness.

I struggle in venting my negative emotions to people close to me or my journal. It is an outlet that lets me indulge in my unrighteousness (read: sinful) attitudes, as I attempt to justify myself. I search for ways that I have been wronged once I have exhausted my current woes.

When I write them, I am creating a physical form of my frustrations – I have made them seem concrete, more real, and the same ungodly heart that pens those fleeting feelings of outrage and injustice now is permanently encased within those pages, so that once they are read in the future, the words have the power to draw up lost, painful, and again – sinful – thoughts and attitudes that take hold and reign over my spirit. What a sinful trap I set up for myself!

When I choose a more personal means of venting my darkened thoughts – and choose my compassionate victim, I can do more damage then I care to fully know. After I have chosen my particular canvas to vent to, I choose my paint. First I choose pea green and toss it all over the open, understanding, blank white canvas. I begin smearing it with my hands and elbows. In my hurt and frustration I choose fushia (a particular color of irritation) and begin to smear it back and forth with my forehead across the not-so-white canvas. Back and forth – back and forth. Next comes the color teal. I dip both hands in and with one finger try to portray a particular point a certain way but…ack! It’s not coming out right! And in burning frustration I grab the canvas and throw it down to the floor where I immediately begin clawing at it. *sigh* I’ve ruined it. I tried to paint a picture but nothing came out how I intended it to and now I’ve left my mark – my impression – and looked like a fool in the process. I meant well, I just needed to express myself, but I have stolen the clean slate – the unblemished whiteness. It will take a lot of work to clean up my mess.

So often, I go to someone and spew out negativity of situations I face, people I know, and blame my attitude on my bad day…or the dog. What do I do about my witness for the Lord Jesus Christ? In my moment of weakness I self-indulge in my blind fury of selfish emotions and as many words that I say to try to justify myself, I know better – I know Jesus paid the greatest price to make me strong and wise by the word planted within me, and I tread on the cross of Christ when I use my weakness to try to build myself up, rather then build Christ up (aka – give Him glory in my weakness).

So, to all you who have witnessed my ugly witness, forgive me. Forgive me for robbing you of the opportunity to hear how the Lord has blessed me in my hurt, anger, confusion, and ultimately my sinfulness. Humbleness, not pride, is what is attractive to the Lord. He strengthens my soul when I reach the end of myself and submit to Him. Venting is grown from the seed of selfishness, and I don’t want to eat its fruit anymore.

So I have this pea green, fushia, and teal mess – still wet and dripping, and now it is being covered in brilliant red – which is the blood of Jesus, and I pray that His redeeming, and transforming blood will cover all who has been the canvas of one who was a bad Christian example. My heart beats as one who desperately wants to make a difference in people’s lives, and one of the first steps is not living a double life.

I’m not advocating stuffing yours or my feelings deep inside of us and never seeking help and guidance. That can leave someone feeling isolated and alone. But if I am spewing out garbage and rejecting any form of cleanup, then I am detrimental to myself and others. You could help me, as well as others, by not allowing yourself to be this landfill for someone’s emotions and attitudes. Try to implement a recycling approach by taking what they are saying and turning it around and showing them that it’s not really garbage, it’s just the dark lens they are choosing to view it as.

Disclaimer: I like the colors pea green, fushia, and teal. They are perfectly acceptable in my book.

{Kristy}

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Journaling

It has been a little while since I’ve blogged. I always find it harder to write online what is going on in my heart and head than it is for me to write in my journal. I write in my journal so much and it is definitely a blessing in my life. God uses it to draw me closer to Himself. It’s different than writing blog posts because in it you can be honest and real in ways that you can’t online. For me, it is sort of a way I communicate to God, so I write a lot of prayers in my journal. I love writing. I love being able to put my thoughts down. I’m not the best at formulating thoughts for the purpose of entertaining an online community. I tend to just say things as they are and as they come to my heart. I’m not that good with organizing my thoughts either. I have hoped that by journaling and blogging would train my mind to be able to think more clearly.

Back to my journal. There have been a few times where I will go back and read my journal and something will really stands out to me and convict me or encourage me in a current situation. There are also times where I will go back and read a desire or prayer that I lifted up to God that I really didn’t quite know what I was saying. I just wrote what was on my heart, and later on God answers the prayer.

For example, I met a man online about a year and a halfish ago and we began a relationship back in January. He came out and visited me in July. Seeing him for the first time was amazing. It was such an incredible experience. One thing I never really realized was how strong our sexual drive. It is a part of our human nature. Danny and I didn’t get ourselves in deep trouble but things surely could have gone that way. We are very thankful to each still hold on to our first kiss and we want to save that for the wedding day. After he left I just would contemplate the visit and realize that I learned a lot about myself. I learned that my actions on my convictions are usually delayed and that Danny’s is more sharp, and thus he was the one to speak up and initiate discussion about our actions. The fact that my convictions weren’t that strong really bothers me. It scares me too, but it shows me what I can work on before I see him next (Christmas break!!!). Before he came I wrote in my journal “Lord, use Danny’s visit to show me something about myself”. In my mind I had pictured that it would be something good about myself (how self-centered I am). It wasn’t good, but God isn’t in the business of boosting our pride, he’s in the business of humbling us to make us more like Him. After all, we are created in HIS image, are we not?

That is just one way in which the Lord has spoken to me through journaling. I want to journal for the rest of my life. Someday I’m going to give all my journals to my kids so they can have something when my time on this earth is done. Sure, there will be lots of material possessions to pass down, but what a treasure it would be to have the inside knowledge of your mother (or father) as they were maturing in the Lord. They will read of my struggles and my fears. They will read of my hopes and dreams. They will read of the lessons I learned and the insignificant things I delighted in to find them worthy enough to find its way into my journal. They will read of the deep life lessons I’ve learned. You all in this blogging world get a peice of all that. You get a bit more of a polished Kristy. I can edit my entries and beautify them and all that, but my journals is just raw. Raw emotions and raw hurts and raw joy.

What are your experiences with journaling?

What have you found out about yourself through writing about your journey?

Do you have any insights or advice as far as journaling goes?

Feel free to leave a comment to let me know what you think. I’d love to hear!

May God bless you abundantly.

‚ô•Kristy

p.s. I got a job here. ūüôā


He who limps is still walking. – Stanislaw J. Lec

footprints.jpg


The quote above is one I stumbled upon a website as I was trying to find some deep inspirational quote on walking. This one stuck out to me the most. As a Christian I will not always have a strong stride with chest puffed out and confidence radiating off of me. At times my walk with the LORD will be tested and the world will wound me. The most important thing that I take from this quote is that it indicates that movement is still being made. There is still progression.

Move forward, never go backwards, and never stand still. Always move closer and closer to our beloved Savior.

-Kristy


Which way?

Sometimes it is hard discerning where God wants you in life.

This has been one of my biggest struggles for such a long time. I graduated High School in 2005 and went off to Boise State University for college. While I was there I really began to have this fire start up within my soul. I began to understand the life of a Christian. I was going to so many Bible studies and I had a hunger, I just didn’t have the knowledge. So after just one year I went to a small Bible School here in the valley called Boise Bible College. I spent a year there. I learned so much about God’s precious Word, I had many things hindering my walk. One thing that I did not let go of was my depression. Continue reading


The Little Man

This is my second post for the day, but I just thought of something that I really want to tell you about. It may seem pretty pointless, but I find great joy in this.

To begin with, I have my first job since high school (and even then, I only had that job [Chinese gourmet express…like panda express] for 3 months). This is my 3rd week at my new job. I work in a little convenience store with a little food court on campus. I am a cashier. I work Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays from 12-3ish. It varies. But its a job in which I’m constantly¬†interacting¬†with¬†people.

Well, there is this particular man that comes in and gets a hamburger, a drink, and chips. I think he is the cutest little man ever.  Continue reading


Temptations

Today I was reading My Utmost for His Highest. Today’s was about temptations. Oswald Chambers made a good point when he said,

“A person’s inner nature, what he possesses in the inner, spiritual part of his being, determines what he is tempted by on the outside. The temptation fits the true nature of the person being tempted and reveals the possibilities of his nature. Every person actually determines or sets the level of his own temptation, because temptation will come to him in accordance with the level of his controlling, inner nature.” Continue reading


P.U.S.H.

Pray

Until

Something

Happens

Why should a Christian pray if God already knows what we are going to say? Continue reading