I find myself rejoicing in it one moment and crying bitterly the next. I struggle with my consistency of contentment. I am side-winded (is that a word or did I make that up?) by unmet expectations, unplanned changes, miscommunication, and my own blatant sin of selfishness. What I marvel at, though, is how much my relationship with my husband deeply reflects my relationship with You, Jesus. I am a rollercoaster in my devotion to You. I praise You when times feel right but I fail to praise You when times feel wrong. I am put out when I feel my prayers aren’t answered. I reel back when I consider that I could be wrong in my judgements and assessments of what Your plan is for my life and for my husband’s life. I feel inadequate when I cannot discern Your voice amongst all the others in my life. Often it is my own voice I choose to listen to. sometimes I just can’t tell who to listen to. I am thrown down (but not destroyed) when it is my own sin that blocks the intimacy I so greatly desire to have with You. In those times I can throw no blame to anyone else but myself. That is when I struggle to allow humbleness to have its way with me.
Jesus, what a beautiful picture marriage can be when it reflects an upright, intimate, and humble relationship with You. And what a dark and foreboding picture it paints when sin and the lion are allowed into the home. It is indeed a dark picture, not to mention a bad witness, of Your design and purpose for us. What picture we paint of marriage on earth no doubt is a reflection of the ultimate reality of our marriage in heaven with the Lamb of God.
Lord, help me in my quest (for lack of a better term that I can think of right now) to be drawn by Your Spirit while beating down the Devil with the weapons You have equipped me with. Help me put my messed up priorities straight so You can do your work in my life.
I love You and praise You.
In the name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,