It has been a little while since I’ve blogged. I always find it harder to write online what is going on in my heart and head than it is for me to write in my journal. I write in my journal so much and it is definitely a blessing in my life. God uses it to draw me closer to Himself. It’s different than writing blog posts because in it you can be honest and real in ways that you can’t online. For me, it is sort of a way I communicate to God, so I write a lot of prayers in my journal. I love writing. I love being able to put my thoughts down. I’m not the best at formulating thoughts for the purpose of entertaining an online community. I tend to just say things as they are and as they come to my heart. I’m not that good with organizing my thoughts either. I have hoped that by journaling and blogging would train my mind to be able to think more clearly.
Back to my journal. There have been a few times where I will go back and read my journal and something will really stands out to me and convict me or encourage me in a current situation. There are also times where I will go back and read a desire or prayer that I lifted up to God that I really didn’t quite know what I was saying. I just wrote what was on my heart, and later on God answers the prayer.
For example, I met a man online about a year and a halfish ago and we began a relationship back in January. He came out and visited me in July. Seeing him for the first time was amazing. It was such an incredible experience. One thing I never really realized was how strong our sexual drive. It is a part of our human nature. Danny and I didn’t get ourselves in deep trouble but things surely could have gone that way. We are very thankful to each still hold on to our first kiss and we want to save that for the wedding day. After he left I just would contemplate the visit and realize that I learned a lot about myself. I learned that my actions on my convictions are usually delayed and that Danny’s is more sharp, and thus he was the one to speak up and initiate discussion about our actions. The fact that my convictions weren’t that strong really bothers me. It scares me too, but it shows me what I can work on before I see him next (Christmas break!!!). Before he came I wrote in my journal “Lord, use Danny’s visit to show me something about myself”. In my mind I had pictured that it would be something good about myself (how self-centered I am). It wasn’t good, but God isn’t in the business of boosting our pride, he’s in the business of humbling us to make us more like Him. After all, we are created in HIS image, are we not?
That is just one way in which the Lord has spoken to me through journaling. I want to journal for the rest of my life. Someday I’m going to give all my journals to my kids so they can have something when my time on this earth is done. Sure, there will be lots of material possessions to pass down, but what a treasure it would be to have the inside knowledge of your mother (or father) as they were maturing in the Lord. They will read of my struggles and my fears. They will read of my hopes and dreams. They will read of the lessons I learned and the insignificant things I delighted in to find them worthy enough to find its way into my journal. They will read of the deep life lessons I’ve learned. You all in this blogging world get a peice of all that. You get a bit more of a polished Kristy. I can edit my entries and beautify them and all that, but my journals is just raw. Raw emotions and raw hurts and raw joy.
What are your experiences with journaling?
What have you found out about yourself through writing about your journey?
Do you have any insights or advice as far as journaling goes?
Feel free to leave a comment to let me know what you think. I’d love to hear!
May God bless you abundantly.
p.s. I got a job here. 🙂