It is so incredibly important for us as Christians to speak words of encouragement and life. There is so much negativity in today’s world that we must make it our aim to yearn after Godliness.

I struggle in venting my negative emotions to people close to me or my journal. It is an outlet that lets me indulge in my unrighteousness (read: sinful) attitudes, as I attempt to justify myself. I search for ways that I have been wronged once I have exhausted my current woes.

When I write them, I am creating a physical form of my frustrations – I have made them seem concrete, more real, and the same ungodly heart that pens those fleeting feelings of outrage and injustice now is permanently encased within those pages, so that once they are read in the future, the words have the power to draw up lost, painful, and again – sinful – thoughts and attitudes that take hold and reign over my spirit. What a sinful trap I set up for myself!

When I choose a more personal means of venting my darkened thoughts – and choose my compassionate victim, I can do more damage then I care to fully know. After I have chosen my particular canvas to vent to, I choose my paint. First I choose pea green and toss it all over the open, understanding, blank white canvas. I begin smearing it with my hands and elbows. In my hurt and frustration I choose fushia (a particular color of irritation) and begin to smear it back and forth with my forehead across the not-so-white canvas. Back and forth – back and forth. Next comes the color teal. I dip both hands in and with one finger try to portray a particular point a certain way but…ack! It’s not coming out right! And in burning frustration I grab the canvas and throw it down to the floor where I immediately begin clawing at it. *sigh* I’ve ruined it. I tried to paint a picture but nothing came out how I intended it to and now I’ve left my mark – my impression – and looked like a fool in the process. I meant well, I just needed to express myself, but I have stolen the clean slate – the unblemished whiteness. It will take a lot of work to clean up my mess.

So often, I go to someone and spew out negativity of situations I face, people I know, and blame my attitude on my bad day…or the dog. What do I do about my witness for the Lord Jesus Christ? In my moment of weakness I self-indulge in my blind fury of selfish emotions and as many words that I say to try to justify myself, I know better – I know Jesus paid the greatest price to make me strong and wise by the word planted within me, and I tread on the cross of Christ when I use my weakness to try to build myself up, rather then build Christ up (aka – give Him glory in my weakness).

So, to all you who have witnessed my ugly witness, forgive me. Forgive me for robbing you of the opportunity to hear how the Lord has blessed me in my hurt, anger, confusion, and ultimately my sinfulness. Humbleness, not pride, is what is attractive to the Lord. He strengthens my soul when I reach the end of myself and submit to Him. Venting is grown from the seed of selfishness, and I don’t want to eat its fruit anymore.

So I have this pea green, fushia, and teal mess – still wet and dripping, and now it is being covered in brilliant red – which is the blood of Jesus, and I pray that His redeeming, and transforming blood will cover all who has been the canvas of one who was a bad Christian example. My heart beats as one who desperately wants to make a difference in people’s lives, and one of the first steps is not living a double life.

I’m not advocating stuffing yours or my feelings deep inside of us and never seeking help and guidance. That can leave someone feeling isolated and alone. But if I am spewing out garbage and rejecting any form of cleanup, then I am detrimental to myself and others. You could help me, as well as others, by not allowing yourself to be this landfill for someone’s emotions and attitudes. Try to implement a recycling approach by taking what they are saying and turning it around and showing them that it’s not really garbage, it’s just the dark lens they are choosing to view it as.

Disclaimer: I like the colors pea green, fushia, and teal. They are perfectly acceptable in my book.


How do you let go?

I have been in Southern Illinois for nearly 2 years now and I still resist embracing it as “home”. I have had to assimilate my entire life to the pace of this place and I’ll be honest to say that I have been resentful toward many things here. Before I got married I was told that this new chapter wouldn’t be easy. I don’t know if I ever really took the time to contemplate what type of changes I’d have to make or how I would react if things turned out differently then I imagined. Did I really have much of a vision? I knew I didn’t want to stay here long. But what happens if I end up staying here longer than I anticipated. Will I continue to resent this place? I didn’t anticipate getting pregnant 5 months into marriage. Now that he’s here I wouldn’t turn back the clock if it meant not having him. He’s here and it has been an alarm on vibrate for me. Not loud and alarming, but the steady hum that makes you aware of things a little more than you did before. I mean this: Things have got more complicated with having a child. I really do have to think about accepting this place as a pernament home. I have to start embracing the idea of raising my child here. I’m so scared though. Why? Because I feel like there isn’t anyone here who really understands me. I am an Idaho girl. I went to University for 4 years. I lived in the fast paced college life and it is so foreign to life here and no one can identify with me. No one knows my past. They just know my present and they assume my future. I want to be fully understood.  I should say here that I’m not completely against this place. Alot has grown on me. That also scares me, though. Will I get to a point where my past has no influence anymore?

Maybe I’m just really selfish and I should just embrace this place.

Embrace this Place. That could be a song.

I sit here and type with no direction. This is just an avenue to express my thoughts to no one inparticular. I don’t think anyone reads me here anyway. No one consistant. It would be nice to have an online community of friends that I can interact with on a deeper level. Oh but having a child takes so much time. Not to mention the fact that I don’t have internet myself. ha!

My heart  yearns so badly to use this medium as my expression – my outlet, and I’m trying desparately to get the ball rolling.

Have you ever been in a place that you resented?

Have you ever found yourself trying to keep the train from leaving, taking you into a new chapter and leaving fond memories behind on the horizon?

Have you found yourself pleasantly surprised when you decided to “Let go and let God”?

That strikes a chord.

I heard from a great preacher once that it is important to “Bloom where you’re planted”. You end up missing out on alot when you’re where I am currently. It’s hard to know this in your head and convince your heart of its truth. I know the better way is to allow God to truly work in my life here – right here where he obviously has me. I struggle with finding the contentment in that truth though. I really do.

If anyone is out there and God brings you here and you have any thought regarding this – stuff – then please, please, let me hear you.

I don’t feel like myself, but maybe this is who I am and I have yet to discover me. Ha!

Till next time –


New Blog in Town!

Hey all, I have a new blog that I’d like to invite you all to. It’s called “Treasure Every Moment” at

There I will jot down my musings on motherhood, mainly, but I’m sure other topics might emerge.

Head on over and let me know what you think. As of the writing of this post the site is rather new and simple but I am hoping it will evolve into a very beautiful and memorable corner of my life.

God bless!


Whoa Baby!

Baby Bump

Here I am at 35 Weeks.

I am having a baby in 4 weeks. I can hardly believe it. Even a few moments ago he was squirming within me and part of me wants him to just CHILL out because it feels really odd, but then I get this peace and this joy because I know he’s alive and well. There he is, all curled up within me, safe and sound. I regret that I have not chronicled more of my pregnancy here and talked of life. It’s hard when you don’t have internet connection of your own and you have to use your in-law’s connection. That’s really no excuse but it’s hard to think about stuff like this at times.

Hubby and I have yet to pick a name for the little guy. That’s frustrating, but I’m sure God will reveal to us the perfect name.

I went to the doctor last Thursday we found out my blood pressure was 140/84. On July 26th it was 130/70. My doctor was concerned of it rising so much and wants me to take it easy. Tomorrow I go back to see how i’m doing. I’ve been trying to take it easy and drink more water and I have indeed not been eating the best as I could. The baby’s room is yet to be done and that’s been on my mind alot. I’m still trying to clear the room out of all our stuff. My little box house has no storage space so i’m having to figure things out as I go. I’ll truly try to get pictures of the room once it’s done.

Well, this was just a short update. Hope you’re doing well (“You” as in, whoever stumbles upon this site *smile*)

♥ Kristy

“An Unloved Woman” revisited

Hello all!

I’ve been hibernating, it would seem, but all it took was one comment from a hurting woman to get me right back in here. The one post that I still get comments from while I’ve been away has been “An Unloved Woman” where I copied an original post from someone else. Over time, I have had a change of opinion regarding what he has said and have updated that original post. I would love to know what you all think, so please head on over there to read my updates before the quoted post from Jason and let’s get a dialogue going.  🙂

Click here for the original and updated version of “An Unloved Woman”.

Thanks for your participation!

♥ Kristy

Dear Jesus, Life in marriage can indeed be hard…

I find myself rejoicing in it one moment and crying bitterly the next. I struggle with my consistency of contentment. I am side-winded (is that a word or did I make that up?) by unmet expectations, unplanned changes, miscommunication, and my own blatant sin of selfishness. What I marvel at, though, is how much my relationship with my husband deeply reflects my relationship with You, Jesus. I am a rollercoaster in my devotion to You. I praise You when times feel right but I fail to praise You when times feel wrong. I am put out when I feel my prayers aren’t answered. I reel back when I consider that I could be wrong in my judgements and assessments of what  Your plan is for my life and for my husband’s life. I feel inadequate when I cannot discern Your voice amongst all the others in my life. Often it is my own voice I choose to listen to. sometimes I just can’t tell who to listen to. I am thrown down (but not destroyed) when it is my own sin that blocks the intimacy I so greatly desire to have with You. In those times I can throw no blame to anyone else but myself. That is when I struggle to allow humbleness to have its way with me.

Jesus, what a beautiful picture marriage can be when it reflects an upright, intimate, and humble relationship with You. And what a dark and foreboding picture it paints when sin and the lion are allowed into the home. It is indeed a dark picture, not to mention a bad witness, of Your design and purpose for us. What picture we paint of marriage on earth no doubt is a reflection of the ultimate reality of our marriage in heaven with the Lamb of God.

Lord, help me in my quest (for lack of a better term that I can think of right now) to be drawn by Your Spirit while beating down the Devil with the weapons You have equipped me with. Help me put my messed up priorities straight so You can do your work in my life.

I love You and praise You.

In the name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ,


Hopefully soon?

I got on WordPress with the intention of writing something about how I can’t wait for my baby to meet the family and I can start writing about mommyhood, but before beginning, I thought I’d check up on a favorite fellow blogger and got so involved in my comment to a post that now I’m burnt out. I haven’t blogged at all in so long that I gotta ween back into it, I suppose. Maybe it’s this baby inside me making me tired all the time. Ha. Ok, bad excuse. Anywho. I’ll think up of something wonderful to write about and try to get it on here in the next year or so (haha).

Love you, invisible readers.

♥ Kristy

Just Married!!!!

Danny, Me, Joshua Sullivan

It has been a very long time since I have updated my site. Much has gone on and I hardly know where to start to fill in all the events that has transpired. I suppose it’s fair to mention now that I am married and living in Illinois with my husband. It is still strange to think that I am now married and have begun a completely new chapter of my life. I went from being in a long distance relationship where I was in Idaho and he was in Illinois to being married and moving here with him, leaving my home, family, friends, doggies, and Idaho life. I thought I would have had a hard time adjusting to the new change. Sometimes I am afraid of change and there is a fear of the Unknown but God has given me so much comfort and peace and I am truly grateful for his providing for all of my needs.

Continue reading

My Prince Charming

Prince Charming

Life is flying by. One minute you’re a girl who longs for her prince charming to come along, the next moment you’re a girl who is engaged. The Lord has brought my prince charming along and I feel as though the Lord has blessed me much more than I deserve. The man the Lord has brought me is one-of-a-kind and wonderful to me. He treats me very well and loves the Lord so much. He pushes me closer to God all the time. He truly is concerned with my holiness and purity as is described in Ephesians 5, which is the job description for the position of  “prince charming”. Continue reading

AWOL (for a little while)


Absent Without Leave

This is a little update for all those readers I have…all my adoring fans…*cough*.

My boyfriend (soon to be fiance) proposed (wait wait, not THAT type of propose…sheesh, you women…) that he and I do a type of fast – things that take up our time that aren’t necessary when we could be spending time with the LORD. That means, no TV, no movies, no magazines, no books (other than the Bible and not counting school books). This also includes the world of blogging. I don’t write much anymore, but I read like crazy on here. There are some of you who I stay updated on daily, and I’m going to have to turn off my feeds so I don’t know that you’ve posted, so I wont be tempted to read.

How long is this going on?

Well, I am spending 3 weeks with Danny starting on December 18th. That’s 20 days from now, and we want to be pure during the time that I’m there, and so we want to just grow so close to the LORD. So the fast is 20 days.

We are going to pray at least 30 minutes a day, and read the Word at LEAST 30 min. If we are cutting all this stuff out of our days, then we can fill it with time with God.

I covet your prayers. I do. I want God to use this time as a time to let go of some of my blocks and weights. I have hit some walls lately. I want to break through them. I am discipling a young woman and I feel completely inadequate to do the job, yet possessive and prideful because I dont want to hand her off to anyone else. I want God to use me in her life in big ways. I need to be focused on God with ALL my heart.

A passage in the Bible that I am constantly flipping to (on accident) is Jeremiah 29:11-13

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

That is one of my favorite passages in the Bible. I must seek God with ALL my heart right now. And that means letting go of some distractions.

With all that being said, I have a few comments.

  • Again, I COVET your prayers. Please pray that God will fill my life in big ways during this time. Pray that Danny’s life is filled with God’s Spirit as well. Pray that we stick to this goal and not compromise.
  • Because this is my last venture into the blog sphere for a while, please, if you comment, and are a new commentor, please do not fret when you do not see your comment appear on my site for a while (note: I can still read them because they’re sent to my email inbox). I can’t guarentee I’ll get on wordpress just to approve new commentors, though (after your first comment is approved, then all other comments you leave are immediately visible on the site). If you’ve commented before, then know that I’ve gotten your comment in my email and I’ll read it there, but I’m going to try not to log onto the site to check.
  • With the above just being said, I will welcome any encouragement throughout these 20 days. Again, I receive all comments in my email so you can be sure I will get them. Feel free to email me if you would like to discuss anything:
  • If no one comments, that’s fine too! I’m just trying to add a few disclaimers to the commenting part of this post. Ha!

Well, thankyou all for everything. We shall see what God brings from this. I hope to have some stuff to write in the new year (I don’t know how much I’ll be able to write…if at all…after the 20 days are up since I’ll be visiting my Sweet Man in Illinois). I will have mucho ideas to write on though. Hopefully the Kristy who comes back will be a much better one! ha!

God bless you all!